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| The life behind the character. Posted by: Don The Friendly Horse at 03-11-2019 10:52 AM, Last Modified 03-11-2019 10:52 AM |
Life is hard
No one said it'd be easy, through pain, suffering, strife and drama..
But then again.. no one said it is avoidable.. cause it'll find you in the end no matter how hard you try to dodge it.
"Life is full of pain and suffering, you just have to be strong enough to deal with it." One of my favorite quotes from a rather difficult but old game called extermination on ps2 and to this day I still live by those words of perseverance.
But today I want to make this story to vent my frustrations of the day and past and hope for a brighter future as I wash this memory clean and cross this new divide, but first.
Don is a simple guy, more likely a Kind guy.. but with a rather dark secret.. yes.. I'm talking about the guy behind the other character named don.. Me.
I Grew up a harsh time of making friends, hell I rarely have any friends since I moved, especially having a hard time of showing concern to talk to old childhood friends even though they were nice.. Yet I feel regret. Like I shouldn't be so distant.. but I cant help it myself.
Fast forward now im in middle school, I was an outcast, bullied and always looking out for myself, with only a select few friends who bothered hanging with me. Now that's meaningless. But what would always make me angry is of how nice of a guy I'd be.. but in the end girls end up choosing jerks, assholes, my friends and so forth.
My Gripe is of how everyday I've spiraled down this endless staircase of depression and of no seemingly visual signs of recovery, the sinking paranoia, the crushing emotions i suddenly feel, It's all a painful experience. But one things for sure.. True love was always one thing I sought after, Heartbreak after heartbreak made me who i am as of today, a guy still friendly and kicking but only wearing a mask of who i truly am until the one is ready to see me for me but stay afterwards. I want to get girls, i want to understand them, of how to be a better person in conversating with one. But all it did was drive me to the brink of insanity.. so there i was doing things that present me would say. "Why did you do that." but it makes sense for the psychological and emotional pain one would endure for a while. Unfortunately it'll get worse.
Fast forward a little more, I've became insane and banging my head as i developed unusual voices in my head that garnered nightmares and bloody visions every night that it caused me to take a trip to the hospitalize center to keep me from harming myself, I recovered after a week but it was a painful departure as i could only trust my own family at this point, for what lies in humans can be the pit of deceit or pure, Good intent or bad intent, toxic or healthy.
Even when Don at a young age found love he simply didnt know how to act, leaving present don in a absolute shame as he realized he could of done better, but in those relationships he realized, manipulation was an uncommon factor in his relationships as he grew up he learned the world wasnt such a fun place. But he cried and cried hoping for best everyday but it never happened, life goes on, he goes and washes the pain of yesterday and hope for a better time, or to prepare for more.
During his time of internet more curiosities rose and he discovered many things about himself, (EVEN BEING A FURRY and anime lover..) and so the Don today was shaped with this being known. and even more so... lewd things that shall not be mentioned. but with internet comes risks, its not a complete utopia, its like real life, but a bit more different.
But moving from that, Depression is a solid staple in Don's life, and so is true love.. but Don struggles hard through relationships to find the perfect one for him, crying to hisself even when he remains strong and tough but emotionally weak through cheating, misplaced trust, unloyal people, manipulation, Don is still holding up his broken pieces.. no matter what happened in his past.
After all... I'm okay..
I promise..
...... |
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